Who to tell

So I recently learned a new lesson - yes thankfully I am always learning new lessons. Unfortunately they are usually the result of my messing up.

After I placed eight years ago I assumed I was never supposed to tell anyone about it. It was my secret to keep. It was difficult when people would say, "how many kids do you have?" I never knew what to say. So a year ago as I started to meet other birthmothers I discovered a desire to be more open. I am proud of what I did, why am I always hiding it? Well it seems like maybe I went from one extreme to the other. Suddenly I wanted to tell everyone. And I did. There are people I have known for years and years who did not know and I thought maybe it was time to share. One of those people was a very very good friend from junior high school. We have stayed in touch over the years, periodically checking in with each other just as we promised we would in junior high. I always kind of got a kick out of that as there are very few things I said I would do in junior high that I have followed through with. So he was obviously a candidate for sharing my new found openness with. So I wrote him an email and told him my placement story. I haven't heard anything since. After the euphoria of sharing had worn off I realized I had messed up. I knew immediately why I had not heard from him, it was too much for him to handle. And really what do you say to someone who just shared they sacrificed and gave up a child. "Gee, sorry to hear you had to go through that." Really nothing he could of said would have been adequate so I have been greeted with silence instead. Do I regret telling him? Ya I kind of do. An eighteen year friendship may be over but I was trying to be true to myself. I just know in the future I will ask myself, why am I telling this person? What do I hope to gain? Do the gains outweigh the risks?

Birth Mother Retreat

So we had our first Bithmother retreat this weekend. The feeling of inclusion that comes from being with other birthmothers is so healing and so comforting. Sometimes I cannot believe I waited over seven years just to know another birthmother. It seems like every birthmother's story is different and special but we all do share the experience in a way that no once else can.